


Strange Bedfellows

by Antarctica_or_bust



Series: Adventures of a Different Kind [5]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Awkward Bilbo, Awkward Sexual Situations, But that's what dwarves are for, Canon - Book, Dirty Talk, Elves have no concept of gay sex, Exhibitionism, Felching, Horniness, Humor, Ignores DoS, Kíli really is a cockslut, M/M, Masturbation, Mirkwood, Mirkwood Dungeon Sex, More book canon than movie canon at this point, POV Kíli, Possessive Behavior, Rimming, Sexual Content, Strangely tongue in cheek for a sex fic, Terrible Propositions, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-31
Updated: 2014-03-31
Packaged: 2018-01-17 09:27:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1382416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antarctica_or_bust/pseuds/Antarctica_or_bust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kíli gets bored while locked in Thranduil's dungeons and decides to have some fun.</p><p> (The one with consensual Mirkwood dungeon sex)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strange Bedfellows

**Author's Note:**

> Just to shake things up a bit, this one's from Kíli's pov and this series is officially half done. Hooray! 
> 
> That said, I totally didn't mean for this fic to take two months, I just wasn't in the mood to write smut for awhile. But hopefully I've managed to kick that for now and in case anyone gets confused, I've started using dwarrow and dwarrowdam for gender specific dwarves, dwarrowling for children/teens and dwarf/dwarves as a generic non-specified term when the gender is irrelevant (though I can't be bothered to go change my older fics and I probably won't be all that consistent about it anyway).

  
“This fucking sucks,” Kíli grumbles, slumping against the cold wall of his cell. “At least torture wouldn't be so boring.”  
  
When the King of Northern Mirkwood first captured their company, the young dwarf had been rather nervous; he’d grown up on stories of elvish dishonor after all. However, Thranduil seems content to let his captives rot away without even bothering to interrogate them and so the only elf that Kíli has seen since being imprisoned is the guard who brings him food twice a day. Not even proper meals either, just some bland elvish flat-bread that fills his stomach but tastes like ashes in his mouth.  
  
So the archer is bored and tired and horny and he's more than ready to break on out of here. Seriously, Kíli hasn't gone this long without sex since he was a dwarrowling and another month of abstinence is going to have him tearing out his hair.  
  
 _Which would be a damn shame considering how much Bilbo likes to tug on it._ His captivity has improved a bit since their burglar found him because at least now the dwarf knows that his companions are all right. But while their conversations help to ease the boredom, these bars aren't exactly conducive to fixing the problem in his pants.  
  
 _Although you never know until you try,_ Kíli tells himself the next time his hobbit comes to visit, interrupting the other’s greeting with a different sort of talk. “So… just how much would you like to be fucking me right now?”  
  
“A whole damn lot and you know it,” Bilbo replies testily and the archer is pleased to know he’s not the only one feeling bereft. “But I can't exactly walk through walls and that's what it would take.”  
  
“Not necessarily,” The dwarf says, pressing up against the bars with his best sultry smirk. “Sure you can’t actually touch me right now but that doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun anyway. I know you like to watch so you’re going to tell me every filthy detail running through your head while I make do with my own hand until I can ride your cock again.”  
  
His lover blushes scarlet, rather adorably embarrassed by Kíli's suggestion despite all the crazy things they've done. But for all Bilbo’s wicked skill in other areas, it seems that talking troubles him and the dwarf has to fight the urge to giggle when his lover starts.  
  
“Well, I guess I'd take your clothes off first, and mine too, of course. Although you could strip yourself if you'd prefer. I mean, it would probably be faster if we just did it ourselves. I mean, _naked_! Naked is a good place to start.”  
  
“Can't argue with that,” Kíli chuckles dryly when Bilbo finally pauses for a breath. “But I was rather hoping for a sexier narration than that. _Sexy_ , love. You've had your cock up my ass often enough that it shouldn't be too hard. Just tell me what you would do to me if these bars weren't here right now.”  
  
The dwarf reaches through the cell door as best he can, stroking his fingers across the hobbit’s lips. The touch seems to focus him, Bilbo’s babbling cutting off sharply as his eyes darken with need.  
  
“I so want to kiss you.” His lover murmurs, tongue flicking out to tease at Kíli's skin. “I want to kiss you until you can't even remember your own name and when we escape from here, I'm going to do just that. I'm going to lay you down on a proper bed and taste you all over, marking my path with lips and teeth and tongue. So strip for me. I want to see you now.”  
  
Kíli is only too happy to oblige him, keeping one tunic to lie on and tossing the rest of his clothes in the corner of the cell before taking his cock in hand. A few quick jerks bring his shaft to full attention beneath Bilbo's hungry gaze, the hobbit's words caressing him like velvet on his skin.  
  
“Touch yourself for me. Touch yourself as I would if these bars weren't standing in our way. Slow and slick and filthy in the way that makes you scream.”  
  
The dwarf closes his eyes, focusing on Bilbo's voice until he can almost imagine that his hobbit is there pressed against his back. With this image in his mind it's so very easy for Kíli to fall under the other’s spell, to twist his wrist according to his lover's instructions and he breathes a sigh of relief when finally allowed to slick his fingers up. This takes the edge off his craving, that first press inside his entrance easing the bone deep ache within him even as his body begs for more. So the dwarf clutches the bars tightly and shoves back against his fingers, all heat and pleasure and desperate panting breaths.  
  
“I'm going to fuck you,” The hobbit promises fiercely while his lover shoves his hand in deeper with every trembling thrust. “I'm going to spread you open on my cock and give you exactly what you're begging for: to be fucked and filled and ridden raw.”  
  
Kíli’s whole body is shaking now under Bilbo's heated stare, pleasure building quickly after so long without. If he were capable of thought he would wonder why in Mahal’s name they didn’t try this sooner and his burglar is not far behind him, the hobbit’s length throbbing in his hand as he watches the dwarf's shameless debauchery. He is sprawled against the door of his cell, legs spread wide and back arched to find the perfect angle and this, of course, is when the elf walks in.  
  
Thankfully Bilbo hears him coming, receiving just enough warning to disappear again before the stranger turns his way, and the archer is far more distressed by the loss of his lover's filthy whispers than his unintended audience.  
  
So he makes no move to hide his nakedness from the elf's shocked eyes – it’s not like he has anything to be ashamed of there. Instead Kíli just flicks the hair off his forehead and asks sarcastically, “Can I help you with something? Or did you just want to watch?”  
  
“You- I- What? What are you _doing_?” The intruder stammers out and if Kíli weren't so frustrated by the situation, he would have found the elf's gob-smacked face hilarious.  
  
But the dwarf would much rather be finishing himself off than having this conversation and so he just rolls his eyes and snorts, “It's not exactly metallurgy. Haven't you ever fucked yourself before?”  
  
Although, considering the way that he’s blushing, maybe the elf hasn’t and Kíli didn't know that this was even possible. Of course, the dwarf probably could have had an orgy in front of his usual guard without that elf caring so the other's confusion might simply be a matter of experience. While the archer is no judge of elvish ages beyond “not a child,” this elf does seem more innocent with his wide eyes and earnestness. It makes the dwarf want to call him lad and mess up that shining hair, even if he’s probably got several centuries on him.  
  
 _Unless he’s just an idiot,_ Kíli thinks, rolling his eyes again when the elf's next words are, “But you're a _male_.”  
  
He sounds almost offended by the idea and the dwarf's not entirely sure how he went from masturbating to explaining the facts of life to one of his uncle's worst enemies. “Yes, I am a dwarrow, but that doesn’t stop me from getting a proper fucking anyway. I mean, since I don't particularly care for females that would hardly be fair at all and if elves only screw for procreation, your bedroom lives must suck.”  
  
Though now the elf just looks intrigued, staring down at Kíli almost hungrily and his length twitches beneath that curiosity.  
  
“Could... Could you show me?” He asks as he inches closer to the dwarf's cell, wrapping his slim hands around the bars, “Could I fuck you like that?”  
  
This may be the most awkward proposition that Kíli has ever gotten and to be honest, he’s had quite a few. But the archer has never been one to worry too much about propriety and by this point he would almost fuck Thranduil himself if it meant that he’d get off. So while he feels a twinge at the thought of Bilbo watching this, the dwarf throws on his best sultry smile and purrs hungrily, “You can do anything you want to me if you come in here.”  
  
The elf’s jaw drops again and for a moment the archer thinks that he might have pushed too hard, but after gaping for a moment, the other leaps forward frantically. He has just enough presence of mind to remove his weapons before he's shoving the door open and falling upon Kíli like a starving thing.  
  
If the dwarf hadn't already been naked, the elf probably would have ripped the clothes right off his back since there's definitely some tearing as he throws off his own, but then, finally, there are hands on Kíli’s skin and the archer can't be bothered to wonder about the damage anymore.  
  
Despite his initial shock at the sight of the archer riding his own fingers, the elf’s motions are smooth when he rolls Kíli over and sprawls across his back. _Must like his ladies from behind,_ the dwarf thinks, allowing the manhandling with some amusement and moaning softly as he imagines what's to come.  
  
Of course, the archer should have known he wouldn't be that lucky and just when he's getting to the good part, the elf freaks out again.  
  
“What are you waiting for,” Kíli groans, spreading his legs wider in blatant invitation for the other to get on with it. But all the dwarf receives is awkward stuttering so eventually he just reaches back to take the elf in hand.  
  
The archer grumbles under his breath, muttering about having to do everything himself as he guides the other's cock to his entrance and pushes back. But his words cut off sharply at that first hot intrusion, desire crashing over him once more. And he's not the only one because the elf finally seems to remember how to breathe again, fingers digging into Kíli's hips hard enough to bruise.  
  
“Oh, Manwë,” He groans, the dwarf's body giving easily as he pushes forward, thrusting until his cock is buried deep. That slow burn is just what Kíli has been craving even if the elf's height didn’t translate to size in other places and he drops his head onto his arms with a happy sigh.  
  
“Just like that,” The dwarf murmurs, wiggling his ass a bit to make the other gasp. Kíli can feel the elf deep within him now, a solid heat that makes his own length throb desperately. But the guard just lays there panting hot breaths against his neck and the dwarf gets impatient fast. So he growls out a curse and shoves back hard, fucking himself on the other's cock until he finally joins in.  
  
The elf's first thrust is almost hesitant, more of a nudge than anything, but even that draws a moan from Kíli's throat with his nerves so raw. However the sound seems to energize his partner and after a few stumbles he finds a rhythm that sends lightning shooting up Kíli's spine. Soon the dwarf's fingers are scrabbling for purchase against the stone with every stroke and he meets every snap of the elf's hips with a shove of his own.  
  
Their groans and gasps fill the cell until pleasure overwhelms the guard's remaining shyness and he starts to whisper a litany of filth into the archer's ear. He calls Kíli a slut, a whore, a dirty beggar, and digs his teeth into his neck, the sharp pain twisting the heat within his gut.  
  
But while the dwarf doesn't mind a bit of damage, he'd prefer to leave a few bruises of his own so that the elf can't forget losing control like this and the archer has never been one to deny his impulses. So Kíli twists, impaling himself deeper on the other's cock until he can claim his mouth as well. Their tongues tangle awkwardly, the dwarf snaking an arm around the elf's neck to pull him closer while his nails leave scratches down his back. In truth the kiss is harsh and biting, more attack than anything, and when Kíli sinks his teeth into the elf's bottom lip, that's the end of it.  
  
His hips stutter, shoving that bit deeper as he finds his release and the wet heat of it sends the archer over the edge as well. It almost hurts to feel that burn within him, the sweet relief making his body sing even if it's not the best he's ever had and the dwarf is perfectly happy to collapse in a heap right now.  
  
“Not bad for a first-timer, lad,” Kíli chuckles softly, though the words trail off into a groan as the elf pulls out. He can't keep himself from clenching then, his body trying to keep the other's seed where it belongs even as the sensation of it sliding down his thighs brings back many fond memories.  
  
For while the archer truly loves being ridden hard, there's also nothing quite like a fucked out afterglow. The aches and minor pains only heighten his satisfaction and Kíli just waves a few dismissive fingers at the elf's disgruntled gasp. But the other has hardly opened his mouth to retort when the hour chimes through the dungeon and his face goes white instead.  
  
“Crap! The party!” He exclaims, scrambling for his clothes like a madman and barely remembering to slam the cell door shut on his way out.  
  
 _Never had anyone run away that fast,_ Kíli thinks with some bemusement, wondering when the elf will notice the white streaks in his hair.  
  
“Bilbo? Are you still there?” He calls once the guard is out of earshot, feeling vaguely guilty now that the haze of lust has passed. While neither of them have made any promises, watching someone else fuck his lover may have been a bit much for the hobbit and Kíli would really hate to lose him now. Not when he's barely begun to discover the wildness beneath their burglar's calm veneer. But just as the dwarf is starting to get worried, his cell door creaks open once again and Bilbo reappears beside him with a smug look on his face.  
  
“I think you fucked him stupid, love,” The hobbit laughs, dangling a ring of keys before Kíli's startled eyes. “He didn't even notice when I nicked these off his belt.”  
  
“I guess I did,” The dwarf replies with a smile of his own, his worries brushed aside by his lover's easy grin. “Honestly, though, I wouldn't have minded things a little harder in the end but there will be time enough for critiquing after we escape.”  
  
Kíli starts to push himself upright, afterglow forgotten as he shifts his focus to more important things such as getting the fuck out of here before they miss their chance. But he has barely reached his knees before he's stopped short, Bilbo's hand warm and insistent as it pushes him back down.  
  
“In a minute, Kíli. Thranduil's parties go on for hours and there's something that I need to do before we leave.”  
  
Then there are fingers teasing at the edge of the dwarf's hole, stroking the swollen rim and dipping just inside. Kíli melts into the touch, unable to help himself from opening for Bilbo even as his body shudders beneath the other's hands. It's too much, his oversensitive skin taking every caress to the edge of pain and yet there's nowhere else that the prince would rather be.  
  
“Do you have any idea what you looked like, working yourself open beneath my hungry eyes? Do you have any idea what it felt like to watch that elf fuck you like he had some kind of right? He didn't deserve you even though you moaned for him and his seed still paints your thighs.”  
  
Bilbo twists his fingers deeper, making the dwarf arch into his hands desperately. Every possessive whisper seems to strike a chord within him, one that Kíli was not aware of before now. But suddenly he _wants_ , not just to be fucked again but to be owned and captured and claimed properly and perhaps the hobbit will be the one to manage what no other lover has since he brings the dwarf to his knees so easily. All he can feel is Bilbo's fingers seeking out every bright spark inside him, the hobbit's voice his only anchor within the waves of pleasure threatening to cast him out to sea.  
  
Then even that small point of solace disappears as something wet and warm slides up the inside of his leg, tracing the streaks that the elf's seed has left upon his thighs. That strong tongue trails over Kíli's skin relentlessly, licking away all outward signs of the guard's presence before moving to the source.  
  
“Oh, Valar,” The dwarf groans, heat pooling in his stomach as Bilbo goes to work enthusiastically. He teases along the edge of his lover's entrance, lips kissing the rim where it's pulled wide around his fingers and his touch soothes the sting of being opened further even as Kíli _burns_ insistently.  
  
Light flicks of his tongue paired with slow strokes of his hand, fingers spread to let that soft muscle dance in-between. The stretch aches so good, teasing at the limits of what the dwarf can handle and one of these days he's going to see how far Bilbo will go. But for now, Kíli just melts against the floor and lets his mind dissolve.  
  
That soft touch only presses deeper, chasing the last traces of the elf within him and the dwarf shudders as strong hands hold him down. Every thrust of tongue and fingers sends sparks shooting through him, the teasing, tender strokes almost more than he can bear.  
  
Kíli is hard again, hard and weeping and he would be begging if he had the breath to speak. No one has ever taken him apart quite like this, gentle and possessive at the same time, and he's teetering on the edge of ecstasy. The prince holds back as long as he can to drive the heat and anticipation ever higher but when Bilbo presses his mouth to the dwarf's entrance and sucks hard, Kíli finally cracks. The archer screams then, back arching violently as pleasure crashes over him from head to toe.  
  
When he returns to his senses, he can hear the faint sound of skin on skin and his imagination paints in the details of what he cannot see. Bilbo will be stroking himself frantically, face twisted into a mask of concentration just as it was that first time in Hobbiton and this shouldn't take too long.  
  
Indeed it's only moments later when Kíli feels his lover's seed spray across his back, lips curling in amusement as the burglar reaches down to rub it in.  
  
“You know, you're really rather filthy,” The dwarf murmurs, turning so that he can see his hobbit from the corner of his eye. At his words Bilbo blushes, hand stuttering guiltily against the archer's skin. But before he can apologize for anything, Kíli cuts him off.  
  
“Don't worry, I actually quite like it,” He promises, pushing himself up to kiss the hobbit briefly and ignoring the voice in his mind that reminds him just where that mouth has been.  
  
Then Kíli staggers to his feet, sacrificing one of his many tunics to wipe himself off before getting dressed again. The dwarf tosses the soiled cloth in the corner of his cell as a gift for their erstwhile captors and he almost wishes that he could be there to see his guard find that. But the two of them have wasted enough time already so Kíli just turns back to his lover, the hobbit still staring at him somewhat dazedly.  
  
“Come on, Bilbo. You can ogle my ass later once we've gotten out of here.”  
  
  
 _End_

 


End file.
